It’s been a while since my work life started to be boring. When it’s boring, it gets tiring. When I’m lazy all day long, I get tired easily, it’s weird, it seems that my brain can’t handle being idle all day long. The good news are that since a week ago, everything has changed. My days are quite hectic and I’m moving all day long and making calls and checking up code and lots of things that keep me busy all day and it makes my work day shorter. Time slips away really fast when you are giving all to your activities. I missed these days, even though I’m having a mini headache because of the pressure, everything seems fine, I’m getting relaxed (a little bit), it’s about to be lunch time and to dissolve and start anew, I’m going to read. Because Virginia Woolf and her writing makes me disappear, it inspires me and makes my day better. I’m in love with Virginia’s prose. It’s too much beauty, I just can’t believe my eyes.
I love candies.
I read a lot. I love books. Books are my fuel. They give me hopes and new ways of seeing life. I hope I can keep all that knowledge and pass it to my children, to my grandchildren and to my next life in the world. Because I think we are not done here, because I like to think that we all get back someday. We are always learning and knowledge and energy are the same, both are timeless, they are eternal, immortal. They are perfect, they are what we need to go on.
An hour ago I had hopes, I had hope of leaving this place where I barely can be myself, where I barely talk and where I don’t give a fuck about. I wish I were able of leaving here and be where I started , where I belong, but for some kind of reason I always get stuck and like a silly girl I keep believing in their promises, in their words telling me I’m going to leave, to be where I want, to revive that part of me that wants to be friends with everyone, that part of me that remembers the world and their people. The more I keep myself here, the more I feel alone, the more I couldn’t care less. It’s the second time? The third time? I always get told that I’ll leave, that I’ll start fresh and with more hopes of learning, of growing. I’m tired of being here all the time, doing the same things. I’m ready to move on and they just can’t move, they can’t do anything to help me and I keep sinking. I feel helpless, I feel stupid for believing they are going to take me out of here. I just don’t know how to move, I wish I was able of chose anything I want, but I’m scared, I’m scared of losing what I’ve got. I don’t feel bad, I just feel bored. I feel tired and bored. I want nothing. I like to have free canvas, freewill and give opinions and move, but I don’t know. It might be that I’m still not ready for what I want, maybe I’m still not ready to move on. I always thought that it’s because of other people but it might be that I’m still not ready to let go…Might be? Perhaps? I’m not sure about myself anymore and I don’t know where to go. I might lose myself. What can I do? To keep waiting? To stand still? To wait until everything falls out of the sky? I feel this kind of vibe of changes, but everyday’s decisions makes everything different with time.
Give time to time. I’m not so sure about that. When? I should wait?
So i’m here and i’m leaving.
I hate humor changes. I have kind of of meltdown. Suddenly I’m happy, suddenly sad, suddenly bored and then tired. I’m losing all of my energy, I might go somewhere to get rid of this horrible feeling of just being lazy around. I can’t even with myself, I feel kind of bipolar, and it sucks. My neck aches, my tooth too, I don’t have energy even after drinking a cup of coffee. I don’t like to complain but GOD, there’s too much here and moreover , it’s really hot! The weather were I live it’s unbelievable, one day it’s all cold and the next one all hot and suddenly it’s cold again. I can’t wait for the Saturday, the weather will be a little bit fresher. I might need a chocolate and clothing. I need to buy something, it might cheer me up. I’ve been looking for white tights and I know where to buy them but it’s been a while since the last time I felt like going there to buy anything. It is time! I will also purchase chocolate, I just need it, I’m getting all crazy here. And I will go earlier to heat my food because I’m really hungry.
Being to much around the computer makes me all cranky. When I’m not that interested in my work I get really tired and bored. I’m sick of feeling like it, I need a change asap and I know that it’s coming soon but sometimes I can’t wait. It will be great if my change comes at April. After my vacations. Thank god my trip to Guadalajara it’s four weeks away. I must be patient. I need a change of air.
I’m really happy. I’m about to fulfill a couple of dreams here and the most important is that I have the support of family and friends. I’m tired of only wanting to do and never to achieve, so that’s why I’m starting to move, I don’t know how long life will last and that’s why I must go on without thinking about the outcome. I’m the type of person that always visualize the chances, it’s not easy to see every single possibility and their outcome as soon as I close my eyes and mentally pronounce a word. It’s really tiring and we should (at least sometimes) start doing because we feel like it and not because we think it’s important or because it’s for the future and such. We have a lot of things to do thanks to the mankind, in the past we didn’t have much to do or options to try, that’s why we were only living with nothing more but look for a partner to have a family with and die. We have lots of opportunities to do in the middle of forming a family and die, in the middle or during those moments, we are lucky we have a world where we can move and do as we please, of course not forgetting our social responsibilities (that sadly we must fulfill unless we want to be accused by the system that we are against it). And I say this because I’m not interested at all in changing the world, I’m just wanting to change my world. I think that we can achieve great things when we start to move and change our little world. We always read “step by step” , “start with the little to achieve great things” , “everything starts in home” and so, and I think those phrases are correct. To change the world, we must change ours first.
Lets see what happens next.
I’m rather happy now. My stomach doesn’t agree but I think it’s time now to take some medicine. I have gastritis and it’s not a blessing, I must say. And also, am really hungry. But it’s not the important thing here, this is not new, it’s rather sad when you get used to things like gastritis.
I must not write when hungry.
What am I going to eat?
It’s almost lunch time. I’ve been quite busy but at the same time, easily distracted. I have this focusing problems. I found this interesting article at my British Glamour explaining things about people who gets easily distracted. It might be that I just don’t give a damn about what people is telling me, or because I found something more interesting somewhere else. I’m sorry but sometimes that colorful butterfly just makes me forget what am I doing.
I’m doing a couple of buttons for a website and hate the color and the font. I might think about it later.
I might get a subway. A club sandwich perhaps. A hamburger, might be. I should hurry, it’s almost 2:00 pm and I want to watch Jane By Design. I might even have a chance to watch the last chapter of New Girl.